Okay…I’m standing in the gym one day. It was a Friday. I know that because I had just finished with a grueling triceps and bicep workout. I look up in the mirror and see, what had to be eight of the skinniest, goofiest looking dudes come in. They all looked like a bunch of little Eminems (not the candies…the rapper). They all had on wife-beater undershirts (you know the tight fitting white ripped tanks). All of them had a little peach fuzz on their upper lip (a very weak mustache), and of course all of these kids thought they were Arnold Schwarzenegger.
So, after seeing these guys walk in I thought to myself, “Self, something really funny is about to happen.” So I decided to hang around for a little bit while watching these guys. Here in my town these guys are local high-school football players…well, they are on the team. They are all little clones of each other, a bunch of little freaks that think they are bigger and stronger than what they really are. They thought they were so cool. They had their “posse” and felt that everyone should be concerned about them. Apparently the high school gym was closed for the day so they thought they would grace us with their presence. Thank God they did!
It was funny stuff watching these guys act like they knew what they were doing. Well, they split up into two groups. One group headed to bench press while the others went onto the squat rack. As I watched the first group, I noticed that some of them were having trouble with the 45 lb. bar. Then one of these He-man wannbes got cocky and thought that he could jump up to 135lbs. Now in the gym the bars were slick and if they tilted just slightly the weights would slide right off. So, I felt obligated to help these little guys out. I told them they may want to put the clips on the ends so they wouldn’t get hurt. But instead of listening they said they had it all under control. I said “Fine, good luck.” So, I sat back and watched and then what I knew was going to happen… happened.
The little guy is lowering the bar for is first rep… then the left side started leaning… then the weights flew off the left side, landing on one of the “posse’s” foot… then the right side slammed down to the floor landing on another of the “posse’s” foot, while the left side came up and blasted the guy who was spotting in the face knocking him out cold… then the bar landed on the guy that was actually pressing, nearly crushing him. That was one mean barbell; it took out 4 guys in less than 5 seconds.
At this point I decided to check out the group that was squatting. After watching the first guy perform a squat with 185 lbs. that more resembled a bad attempt at a good-morning, I again felt duty-bound to warn these bags of skin & bones that somebody was going to get hurt. This time the response was more adamant. “We know what we’re doing. Don’t worry about it. Leave us alone.” This guy was obviously the head of the “posse.” My response was “No problem, Sport.” I sat down 10 feet from them on the spotting platform of a bench, crossed my arms, kicked my legs up and waited for the inevitable.
As the next guy unloaded the bar from the squat rack and attempted to back himself into position for his set, his whole body started convulsing, beginning with his legs and working up his torso. I have never, ever seen so much shaking in my entire life. Then, in the blink of an eye, the weight went crashing down; finally resting on the lowest rung of the safety supports which are about knee-high… with his upper torso underneath it! The little fellow was pinned underneath a 185 lb. barbell that weighed about 50 lbs more than he did, with his rear-end sticking out 18-20 inches higher than his head! He was trapped in that position!
As I sat there enjoying the comedy act, the other three pipsqueaks tried frantically to remove the weights from their buddy, while he was bellowing out some of the highest-pitched squeals I’ve ever heard a human being make. After about 60 seconds of this (I was enjoying myself way too much to rush to their aid at this point) I got up and relieved the “king-pin” of the load of weight on his neck. As he crashed to the floor, I couldn’t resist asking with my usual sarcasm “So, Junior… where do you guys normally work out?”
At this point, I’m looking around the gym… surveying the human carnage…and laughing my ass off right in the middle of the eight of them. These little fools acted so tough, but in less than fifteen minutes five of them ended up getting their collective butts kicked literally by some weights and a barbell. The other three guys in the “posse” checked on the injured and helped carry them off. Needless to say it was the last I ever saw of them.
I really wish I had a video camera that day. “America’s Funniest Videos” would have died for that tape. That was probably the funniest day in the gym I have ever experienced.
Rick Streb
