Pro Diets...Newsletter 25

What In The Hell Do People Think?

It's May 27, 2004...a few days before Memorial Day Weekend...and people that haven't been to the gym forever are furiously trying to make up in this one week what they have been avoiding all winter. That, in itself is humorous to me. Grant it, these people are obviously realizing some of the values of exercising, albeit way too late. But this is not what irritates me. What got to me are a few of the things I witnessed in a 45 second period...

As I walked across the gym I first came across a woman who hadn't been in the facility in almost two years. She had visibly gained over thirty pounds since she last stepped through the doors of the facility. But now she was halfway through a forty-five minute ab workout before she immediately walks out the doors, probably straight to Randy's Frozen Custard. As I passed her I came upon another woman feverishly doing set after set of weighted side bends on one of the pulley apparatus. And finally, I happened upon two guys on treadmills exalting themselves for switching to low-carb and/or zero-carb beers. At this point I couldn't take it any longer. I had to lock myself in my office and scream. What in the hell do people think? Or, better yet, do people even think at all?

Let me make one thing perfectly clear...I am not knocking these people for their efforts. I respect the fact that they are trying to better themselves. It is admirable. But what is driving me crazy is the lack of thought that goes into what could be the start of something special. No, I haven't spoken to any of these individuals yet. Yes, I intend to do so. But for the sake of this article, bear with my rant.

The first woman, as I said, is doing her abdominal routine. It's intense and it's over in less than sixty minutes. That's all she does and then immediately leaves the facility. This is exactly the way a person should exercise. Yet, this lady just wasted forty-five minutes at the gym. Does she really think she is doing herself any good? Probably. Will she ever get the results she is looking for. NEVER! Remember, this woman had gained approximately thirty pounds since her last visit to the gym and it is painfully obvious. She does NOT have a slim waistline. Thus, her reasoning for doing the abdominal exercises. However, there is absolutely no good reason for this person to be doing abdominal exercises. It will do her absolutely no good whatsoever. Lady, get your butt over on the treadmill and quit eating everything within your reach. Diet & cardio...that is the ONLY way she will EVER tighten her gut. She can have the strongest abdominals in the world and will NEVER see them if she doesn't burn the body fat that covers them. And Lord help us all if this woman dons a two-piece swimsuit anytime soon.

Second, the woman doing the countless sets and reps of weighted side bends. What on God's green Earth is this woman thinking about? There is no possible way she has a clue what she is doing. Think about it a minute. What happens when we add resistance to ANY muscle? It gets bigger, thicker, denser! That includes the waistline! So, lady, unless you want to wake up one day shaped like an ice box...STOP IT! Use just a little common sense. Please? Just like the first lady, if you want a slimmer, smaller waist watch your diet and do cardio to burn body fat. Don't make it BIGGER! Well, unless you like the idea of looking like a square box. Not an attractive look, but what the hell...

Finally, the two guys walking on the treadmills. These two are proud. Their chests are all puffed up & they're strutting like peacocks because they have chosen either low-carb or zero-carb beers to drink. They each need to grow a third arm to use for patting themselves on the back. Mary, Mother of God, PLEASE HELP ME! Come on...think about it guys. Low-carb...zero-carb...do you really think it matters? (In my best Sam Kinneson impersonation) IT'S ALCOHOL YOU IDIOTS!!! Let's see...let's eliminate carbs, which is the furnace wherein the body burns fat...which is needed to properly stimulate your metabolism...and let's drink alcohol which (again, imitating Sam Kinneson) SHUTS DOWN YOUR METABOLISM! That's right. Just a couple of beers can bring your metabolism to a screeching halt for several days. And then, by the time their metabolisms are ready to respond again, the following weekend is here and they start drinking their ZERO-CARB alcohol AGAIN. Talk about a vicious circle. But that's okay because they're drinking (one final Kinneson impression) LOW-CARB OR ZERO-CARB BEER! (Shakes my head in disbelief). Exceptional logic, right? Most people (including themselves) would consider these two men smart. Brilliant men we're dealing with here, eh? NOT EVEN CLOSE! Instead, they're blatant proof of just how STUPID the American public can be! That's right. Stupid...foolish...ridiculous...obtuse (and any other related adjectives I can think of - they are all fitting). And the alcohol companies know this. They know Americans will buy into it because Americans have embraced the low-carb fad (which, by the way is a path ultimately destined for failure). They spend millions of dollars marketing the belief and make many millions more getting rich on YOUR DREAMS. Thus, low-carb...wait, I'm sorry...zero-carb alcohol. Hell, as I'm writing this article I've seen an ad for Bacardi several times promoting zero carbs in their alcohol-based drink. I can picture the person who thought of this concept laughing hysterically as their bank account grows by the minute.

Why is it that common sense seems to escape otherwise intelligent people when it comes to exercise? Why is it that men and woman who hold prestigious positions in our communities can act as dumb as a box of rocks. This is not molecular science. It's not even basic math. These things are COMMON SENSE! That's right. Common sense. Simple. Easy. Uncomplicated. Damn it...KEEP IT THAT WAY...and get results. But, then again, I wouldn't have anything to humor me. Hum...